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 You couldn't make it up !

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AuthorMessage
brum
FM
FM


Number of posts : 2808
Age : 76
Localisation : Sandbach Cheshire
Cap Badge : RA/QOH
Places Served : JLRRA (Hereford) Nienburg Paderborn Colchester Munster Maresfield (Cyprus) Hohne Hemer Op Banner x4 Woolwich
Registration date : 2010-03-02

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   18/1/2011, 20:43

[How about a "Six coiler" - I'll leave that one for Brum to explain!! Laughing Laughing Laughing [/quote]

Er, . . 'ang about !

How did this one sneak under the radar ?

"Six Coiler" ? Dear God man, what the hell have you been EATING ? affraid


An expression we all seem to have missed out - "Twos Up".
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brum
FM
FM


Number of posts : 2808
Age : 76
Localisation : Sandbach Cheshire
Cap Badge : RA/QOH
Places Served : JLRRA (Hereford) Nienburg Paderborn Colchester Munster Maresfield (Cyprus) Hohne Hemer Op Banner x4 Woolwich
Registration date : 2010-03-02

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   18/1/2011, 20:53


Some of the Yorkies I knew could come out with some crackers.

One that I cherish - "Tha' wants ****in' wi' the rough end of a ragman's trumpet !"

Not military I know but my Dad, describing an ugly woman, would say "er's gorra face loik a bostid boot !"

(I wonder how Troy is getting along with all our stuff ?).
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Shelldrake
FM
FM
avatar

Number of posts : 2998
Localisation : Camberley
Cap Badge : Royal Artillery
Places Served : Troon, Lippstadt, Devizes, NI, Paderborn, Dortmund, Colchester, Belize, Canada, Cyprus, Gutersloh
Registration date : 2010-10-26

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   19/1/2011, 09:06

Maybe the this is just a "Gunner" one. "Line of Sight", normally used when someone gets between you an a vision of loveliness. Mad
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Shelldrake
FM
FM
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Number of posts : 2998
Localisation : Camberley
Cap Badge : Royal Artillery
Places Served : Troon, Lippstadt, Devizes, NI, Paderborn, Dortmund, Colchester, Belize, Canada, Cyprus, Gutersloh
Registration date : 2010-10-26

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   19/1/2011, 09:28




"Beer Goggles" - The interim period between a "Double Bagger" and "Vision of Loveliness". tongue tongue
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whitehorse660
SSgt/CSgt
SSgt/CSgt


Number of posts : 63
Localisation : wiltshire
Cap Badge : RMP
Places Served : Herford, Werl (twice), Berlin, Dusseldorf, Dortmund, Sennelager.
Registration date : 2009-11-23

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   19/1/2011, 19:50

As an "Old Soldier" once said, "She had a face like the back end of bus" I still don't know what he meant. Shocked
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jim
Let Gen
Let Gen
avatar

Number of posts : 1291
Localisation : Sutton Coldfield
Cap Badge : RAOC
Places Served : Dad, Hamburg, Bad Oeynhausen, Iserlohn, Bury, Osnabruck, Worcester. Me Detmold, Bielefeld, NI, HK
Registration date : 2008-01-03

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   20/1/2011, 09:59

6 Coiler? never heard that one.
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PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   20/1/2011, 10:20

Oh!!! The innocence of youth. Laughing
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brum
FM
FM


Number of posts : 2808
Age : 76
Localisation : Sandbach Cheshire
Cap Badge : RA/QOH
Places Served : JLRRA (Hereford) Nienburg Paderborn Colchester Munster Maresfield (Cyprus) Hohne Hemer Op Banner x4 Woolwich
Registration date : 2010-03-02

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   30/4/2012, 22:23


Moving this away from matters lavatorial, (if only for a short while !).

In the early 60s our morale was bumping along the bottom.
National Service had finished. Our guns had been taken away and we'd been saddled with some horrible Yank rockets. We'd been moved from nice Nienburg/Weser to not nice Barker Bks Paderborn. We were up to our eyeballs in guard duties, bullshit and training. The Yanks were pissing us about. Baddledress had been replaced by stupid Number 2 Dress.

Someone further up the train of command became aware of our plight and we were stuffed onto trains and whisked off to Bavaria, (Wearing our stupid No2 Dress).
We eventually found ourselves in Oberammergau, boarding (then) three tonners which dropped us off in a sunny field which was an American baseball field near a village called Graswang. We were under canvas and washing from the water trailer.

We were officially on what the army called IS (Internal Security) training, army speak for a bit of a skive. To ensure we had SOME training we had two Cpls from the Prince of Wales' Own of Yorkshire attached to us. Typically infantry, each of them had a huge library of jokes in their heads, they could keep it up all day. We loved them.

Sitting in a pub one night, after we'd been there a few days, we were generally talking among ourselves when a German civvy came up to us. Yes, we've all met one of these ! He said that he'd been learning English for a long time and wanted to listen in on us to pick up the slang, etc that the Brits use. Actually his English was very good. So we're sitting there talking, he's jotting things down when one of us asked Cpl "A" "Wot we doing tomorrow Yorkie ?". We'd been marching around the ski trails and were feeling the strain a bit.
"Oh" he said, "We'll get up in the hills a bit an tek it easy".
To which some of us uttered the time-honoured "Chuffed to f*** !"
Up comes the Germans head and we thought "Oh no !". "Please", he said, "What is chuffed to f*** ?" "Well," says Cpl "A", " it means, sort of, "Hallo !"", "er, "How are you ?" "Just a general sort of greeting". The German left, scribbling in his notebook.

Next morning, driving through Oberammergau, we were telling the rest of the blokes about how Yorkie misled the German and we all had a bit of a laugh. As we passed a little hotel the door opened and, yes, you guessed it, out popped our German. It was like watching a train crash, we just KNEW what was going to happen !

We sat dumbfounded and sure enough, up goes the German's hand, he smiled and shouted (yes, you guessed it), "Chuffed to f*** !".

We didn't know where to hide !

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Hardrations
Let Gen
Let Gen
avatar

Number of posts : 1026
Localisation : Winnipeg Manitoba Canada
Cap Badge : RC Sigs (RTG Op) / CF Logistics (Cook)
Places Served : Germany, Egypt, Cyprus, CFS Alert and some other strange places
Registration date : 2007-12-16

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   30/4/2012, 23:03

brum wrote:

We sat dumbfounded and sure enough, up goes the German's hand, he smiled and shouted (yes, you guessed it), "Chuffed to f*** !".

We didn't know where to hide !


Good to know that a squaddies high standard of inter - German realationship was even then good. lol!
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PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   30/4/2012, 23:29

Bloody hell brum...You have too much time on your hands Laughing
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brum
FM
FM


Number of posts : 2808
Age : 76
Localisation : Sandbach Cheshire
Cap Badge : RA/QOH
Places Served : JLRRA (Hereford) Nienburg Paderborn Colchester Munster Maresfield (Cyprus) Hohne Hemer Op Banner x4 Woolwich
Registration date : 2010-03-02

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   1/5/2012, 11:16

Gordon. wrote:
Bloody hell brum...You have too much time on your hands Laughing

Just thought I'd try & spark off a few new threads mate.

(It was all kosher, by the way !).
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cartav
Maj Gen
Maj Gen


Number of posts : 784
Age : 87
Localisation : s. yorks
Cap Badge : RA (ns) RA, R.Sigs, RE ( TAVR)
Places Served : Oswestry, Tonfanau, Woolwich, Osnabruck, MT School Bordon, Bulford, Manorbier, Hameln, R.Sigs Blandford, RSME Chattenden, Western Highlands.
Registration date : 2011-04-26

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   1/5/2012, 13:37

Back to things lavatorial, can't be made up, etc.........

Sgts Mess had a Pig Night...... Don't know if that's still practised, but everybody goes down
town, picks up something in a skirt & coaxes her to a night of free drink & debauchery back
in bks. Then, out of the blue, seemingly unarranged, someone suggests having a beauty
contest. Escort of the winner scoops the kitty to which all have contributed, Only difference is
it's the most 'orrible one that wins and they've been picked with that in mind. All going well,
ladies parading round to cheers & shouts of "Look no further ! She's the winner !"
Then Sgt S........... makes a late entrance, he's found a cross eyed, Chinese granny, all bets
are off


Last edited by cartav on 1/5/2012, 13:43; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : deleted duplicated)
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jim
Let Gen
Let Gen
avatar

Number of posts : 1291
Localisation : Sutton Coldfield
Cap Badge : RAOC
Places Served : Dad, Hamburg, Bad Oeynhausen, Iserlohn, Bury, Osnabruck, Worcester. Me Detmold, Bielefeld, NI, HK
Registration date : 2008-01-03

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   1/5/2012, 13:58

Ooohhhh

Grab a Granny night, shades of Wayne Rooney, and they were all so greatfull Smile
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PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   1/5/2012, 19:31

Nowt wrong with grannies...I`m married to one, Wink
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cartav
Maj Gen
Maj Gen


Number of posts : 784
Age : 87
Localisation : s. yorks
Cap Badge : RA (ns) RA, R.Sigs, RE ( TAVR)
Places Served : Oswestry, Tonfanau, Woolwich, Osnabruck, MT School Bordon, Bulford, Manorbier, Hameln, R.Sigs Blandford, RSME Chattenden, Western Highlands.
Registration date : 2011-04-26

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   2/5/2012, 08:52

How it all comes back ! Another SNCOs mess do, organisers have laid on a stripper. Trouble was they'd forgotten to spread the word, rest of the bunch turned up with wives. Too late to cancel, and having decided their loved ones were women of the world, an announcement was made, it was hardly greeted with rapturous applause. One WAG breaks the ice, asks how much they were paying the slag to take her clothes off. "Fifty quid", she's told. Another says "I'll do it for forty !". Husband says "No way ! You won't !" Rest of the mob cheer, say " Yes she will!" and agree to chip in to a substantial kitty.

Gathering splits into two factions, near riot ensues, stripper in the changing room hears the uproar and decides it would be better to cancel & make a swift exit. Keen amateur is hustled away by her husband, no one else volunteers.
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cartav
Maj Gen
Maj Gen


Number of posts : 784
Age : 87
Localisation : s. yorks
Cap Badge : RA (ns) RA, R.Sigs, RE ( TAVR)
Places Served : Oswestry, Tonfanau, Woolwich, Osnabruck, MT School Bordon, Bulford, Manorbier, Hameln, R.Sigs Blandford, RSME Chattenden, Western Highlands.
Registration date : 2011-04-26

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   2/5/2012, 09:16

brum wrote:

Moving this away from matters lavatorial, (if only for a short while !).

....to which some of us uttered the time-honoured "Chuffed to f*** !"




I'm reminded of a tale one of our WW2 vets used to tell........ He was in India training up locals to use the 25 pdr. Notice was given of a forthcoming inspection by some elevated being with red tabs. On the day, all guns were lined up, novice crews were at Detachments Rear. Red Tabs decided to test them, points to one
and smacks the barrel with his swagger cane. "What's that ?". Smiling gunner is
not fazed, he'd been well trained by the Brits. " That sir " he beamed, "....is the f****** barrel! "
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steve jones
Capt
Capt


Number of posts : 210
Age : 65
Localisation : Christchurch, NZ
Cap Badge : REME
Places Served : AAC Carlisle, Bielefeld, Werl, Munster, Arborfield
Registration date : 2008-04-08

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   3/5/2012, 04:02

equally not true story of HRH Pricess Anne inspecting some colonial Aussies for some unknown reason. stops in front of a bondi beach lifeguard type and says ' your a very big fellow, i expect your very strong". he grows a couple of inches, beams and replies " yes Ma'am, i can lift a fuckin ton". everyone in the inspection party quails, quivers and are clearly very nervous about this. the Aussie realising he has made a faux pax tries to recover by saying "well half a fuckin ton anyway"
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malaboman
SSgt/CSgt
SSgt/CSgt


Number of posts : 41
Localisation : Harrogate, UK
Cap Badge : REME
Places Served : Deepcut, Arborfield, Gosport,Osnabruck, Minden, Aden, Berlin.
Registration date : 2009-07-12

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   3/5/2012, 14:41

Talking of Chieftains getting lost, 16/5 QRL managed to put a Cent in the Mitteland canal on a night exercise. Hence bill for 1000 man hours work at Base Wksp.

Those readers with very long memories may also remember the "revenge" trip by some 3 Carabineers troopers at Osnabruck who broke into the ammo store and got some bagged ammo, pinched a Cent and the important 12 lb can of POM, drove all the way into the town centre, by now followed by a convoy of MPs and German police. The Cent stopped outside the then notorious pro-Nazi pub near the giant concrete blockhaus (still standing I'm told) and blew the hell out of the windows and covered the inside of the pub and customers with potato powder.
Fortunately there were no fatalities. All the offenders had a long holiday in Colchester.

16/5 QRL continued losing Cents as in 1964 in Little Aden, one idiot decided to take a short cut off the main drag and drive it over the salt pans. It sank. Quickly. They never got it out and is probably still there many metres down in the gloopy stuff.
Of such heroic acts are Regimental histories made.
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KIeler sprotten
WOII
WOII
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Number of posts : 78
Age : 79
Localisation : Derbyshire
Cap Badge : 13/18 ROYAL HUSSARS QMO
Places Served : Carlisle, NEUMUNSTER , Piddlehinton, Bovington
Registration date : 2011-09-04

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   4/5/2012, 18:31

Were any of you REME attached to the 13/18 Hussars Neumunster in 1957. One of our troops
Daimler AFV ran into a beer delivery wagon in the Ekenforde area. The Daimler hit on of the
many trees that line the roads there ending up in the ditch, we called out REME for the
Scammell recovery truck , REME decided to take a shorter route that crossed a limited weight
bridge. The Scammell collapsed the bridge ending up in the river,REME recovered the
Scammell first and left the Daimler untill last. Any of you involved?
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PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   4/5/2012, 19:37

Good grief NO.That was a nice peaceful place when i was there (twice) on summer camps
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brum
FM
FM


Number of posts : 2808
Age : 76
Localisation : Sandbach Cheshire
Cap Badge : RA/QOH
Places Served : JLRRA (Hereford) Nienburg Paderborn Colchester Munster Maresfield (Cyprus) Hohne Hemer Op Banner x4 Woolwich
Registration date : 2010-03-02

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   4/5/2012, 20:20

[quote="malaboman"]
Those readers with very long memories may also remember the "revenge" trip by some 3 Carabineers troopers at Osnabruck who broke into the ammo store and got some bagged ammo, pinched a Cent and the important 12 lb can of POM, drove all the way into the town centre, by now followed by a convoy of MPs and German police. The Cent stopped outside the then notorious pro-Nazi pub near the giant concrete blockhaus (still standing I'm told) and blew the hell out of the windows and covered the inside of the pub and customers with potato powder.
Fortunately there were no fatalities. All the offenders had a long holiday in Colchester.

I heard a similar story, way back. (Regiment unknown).

Apparently some squaddies were refused entry at a gasthaus so they went back with a Cent. drove the gun through the window and fired a blank.

Methinks there would've been some pretty horrendous injuries as a result but apparently not !
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malaboman
SSgt/CSgt
SSgt/CSgt


Number of posts : 41
Localisation : Harrogate, UK
Cap Badge : REME
Places Served : Deepcut, Arborfield, Gosport,Osnabruck, Minden, Aden, Berlin.
Registration date : 2009-07-12

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   4/5/2012, 20:50

Brum,
This pub was well known for pro-Nazi sympathisers, there were still a lot left in Osnabruck in 1960, it was also out of bounds but some "heroes" from 3 Carbs rode their luck by going in there. They got pretty badly beaten, hence the revenge trip.
Osnabruck was infamous for a different reason too, as it was the only town in Germany totally off limits to the 11 th Hussars. In 1945 the Regiment had agreed with the Burgermeister that they would enter the town formally, as part if n unofficial surrender and the Burgermeister would hand over the town to the Brits outside the Rathaus.
The Colonel was standing in the hatch of the lead Tank when he was shot dead by a sniper in the aforementioned blockhaus.
For two days the 11th Hussars were set free to do what they wanted in the town. After 2 days the RMP remembered (LOL) their duties and stopped the action. From that date onwards it was an absolute BAOR rule that the 11th Hussars as a group and individually were not posted to Osnabruck.
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BobG
Lt Col
Lt Col


Number of posts : 328
Age : 78
Localisation : Northumberland
Cap Badge : REME
Places Served : Rotenburg, Verden, Liebenau, Hohne, Hamm, Duisburg, Minden, Hannover, Fallingbostal, Kuwait, UK, HK, USA/Can.
Registration date : 2008-02-27

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   5/5/2012, 18:57

Brum I too remember the incident, it was a pub in Schneverdingen at the edge of the SLTA, cant remember the Unit involved. Just googled the incident and came up with report in Hansard, dated 26 June 1962, in which the Minister of Defence reported that 8 soldiers from 40 Fd Regt severely damaged civilian propery in Schneverdingen and were now under Close Arrest and would probably face Court Martial.

Sorry Brum but it looks as though the Royal Regt was being naughty and not cavalry as I first thought. Did Fd Regts use Cents as OPs at that time?

BobG
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steve
LE Maj
LE Maj
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Number of posts : 764
Age : 68
Localisation : near Cuxhaven
Cap Badge : Royal Signals + Royal Engineers
Places Served : Verden-Aller + Willich + Iserlohn + Hameln
Registration date : 2010-02-14

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   5/5/2012, 20:15

malaboman wrote:
Brum,
This pub was well known for pro-Nazi sympathisers, there were still a lot left in Osnabruck in 1960, it was also out of bounds but some "heroes" from 3 Carbs rode their luck by going in there. They got pretty badly beaten, hence the revenge trip.
Osnabruck was infamous for a different reason too, as it was the only town in Germany totally off limits to the 11 th Hussars. In 1945 the Regiment had agreed with the Burgermeister that they would enter the town formally, as part if n unofficial surrender and the Burgermeister would hand over the town to the Brits outside the Rathaus.
The Colonel was standing in the hatch of the lead Tank when he was shot dead by a sniper in the aforementioned blockhaus.
For two days the 11th Hussars were set free to do what they wanted in the town. After 2 days the RMP remembered (LOL) their duties and stopped the action. From that date onwards it was an absolute BAOR rule that the 11th Hussars as a group and individually were not posted to Osnabruck.

With respect this cannot be correct researching BAOR in the 1940s have found that the 11 Hussars command 7 Armd Div moved to Osnabrück Feb 48 barracks unknown until Oct 50

http://british-army-units1945on.co.uk/11th_Hussars.aspx

History is a mystery and only as good as those who wrote it down
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brum
FM
FM


Number of posts : 2808
Age : 76
Localisation : Sandbach Cheshire
Cap Badge : RA/QOH
Places Served : JLRRA (Hereford) Nienburg Paderborn Colchester Munster Maresfield (Cyprus) Hohne Hemer Op Banner x4 Woolwich
Registration date : 2010-03-02

PostSubject: Re: You couldn't make it up !   5/5/2012, 22:28

BobG wrote:
Brum I too remember the incident, it was a pub in Schneverdingen at the edge of the SLTA, cant remember the Unit involved. Just googled the incident and came up with report in Hansard, dated 26 June 1962, in which the Minister of Defence reported that 8 soldiers from 40 Fd Regt severely damaged civilian propery in Schneverdingen and were now under Close Arrest and would probably face Court Martial.

Sorry Brum but it looks as though the Royal Regt was being naughty and not cavalry as I first thought. Did Fd Regts use Cents as OPs at that time?

BobG

Thanks Bob, I'd forgotten the year but I was in the area when the Schneverdingen incident took place.
Firstly, any mention of Centurions doing vengeful things to Bundeskrauts ? - can't comment. (Urban Myth, in my humble).
In June '62 we, (24 Msl Regt RA), were sharing Reinsehlen with 40th.
It was one of those summers when the Jetstream was way south of us and life was cold, wet and miserable. (I bet our Canadian cousins can resonate with this one !).
We returned from exercise, for a shower to find a scene of bleak emptiness. All 40th's tents were gone, just the odd shred of canvas blowing in the cold, wet wind.
We were to find out later that some loonies had smashed up the little village of Schneverdingen and the area commander had ordered the whole regiment back onto the ranges.

Not much of a punishment, given the current weather conditions !
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