Sprechen sie Deutsche?

Not Deutsch related,  but excusable as Shelldrake's previous court bit came up
( and I'm led to believe it's true and Canadian..........)

Judge:          Before I sentence you,  have you anything to say ?

Accused:      F.... All :

Judge:          What ?   ( turns to court clerk )   What did he say ?

Clerk :          He said " F... All"  your honour.

Judge:          Really...... But I'm sure I heard him say something !l

Arrrgghh picking on us Canadian innocents....

One I picked up second hand. Involves the RCN in WW 2 and apparently also true. Friend of mine was on his Group 3 course in Kingston in 69 with a fellow from Toronto who was in the navy during the war. He and a friend of his from the praries got some leave from Halifax and went off to Toronto to enjoy it. The fella from the praries had the terrible habit of using the F**K word. So buddy asked him to watch his language at his home, as his parents were true blue church goers. Also it turns out that the family was quite well off, lived in the Rosedale district and had maids to serve the meals. So at dinner the first evening the guest from the praries asked for the butter, " Please pass the F-F-F-F butter please. The son smiles and bursts out, " You all most F**K'en said it eh!". And like I say, apparently true.

And one to show it's not only the Brits who get confused.............
Avid readers of my ramblings might remember that once, in the not too distant past, I had an amorous  association with a comely fraulein.  Being also rich, as well as comely, she paid me frequent visits and on these occasions she used her extensive knowledge of English to communicate.

Sometimes it went wrong.   Wanting a ballpoint pen,  a Kugelschreiber, she wandered alone into a local shop where such implements could be purchased.  I should add that she also called these a " Bic" back home, or maybe it was in France where such things are made. Poor lass got it wrong, asked  the shopkeeper if he had "........ a Prick" and couldn't understand why he collapsed in laughter.

I remember when I first arrived in Germany at the tender age of 17 seeing the name Geoff Net at almost every petrol station on the way from Gutersloh to Munster.. and thinking to myself wow, this Geoff Net must be a rich bloke owning all these petrol stations.

Much to my embarrassment I found out later what Geoffnet meant

In a similar vein.
In the early 60s, with all the road construction going on, getting around Germany could get difficult.
I remember, while sitting in the back of a Bedford, a National Serviceman remarking "It's a very common name for the villages around here, isn't it?
When we said "wot ?", he said "Umleitung".

brum wrote:

In a similar vein.
In the early 60s, with all the road construction going on, getting around Germany could get difficult.
I remember, while sitting in the back of a Bedford, a National Serviceman remarking "It's a very common name for the villages around here, isn't it?
When we said "wot ?", he said "Umleitung".

Detour:lol!:

In a similar, similar vein. In the early '60s my parent Regiment moved from the UK to Germany, in those days MQs were in short supply so a lot of families had to rent Private Accommodation. A lot of the lads would come in to the Bty Office to register their new address. Einbahnstrasse 27b, Sackgasse 18 or Kein Durchgang 7 were popular as I recall.

wot about 24 reaperbhan

a group of us once drove to venlo for an evening of beer and fish and chips, would then sleep it off in my VW (4 of us) then drive back next day. anyway we went to a local bar, and ordered our beer in German. when it arrived i asked for it to be put on my mat, the barmaid wouldnt and made me pay. Later in the evening Mein host came round and i mentioned to him that we had to pay each round up front, and that this was not usual, had we done something wrong. oh he said, your english, sorry she thought you were Germans. he came back with a free round, and toasted us all 'remember Arnheim !!!!

On the same theme, a new fella just posted in, mentioned to me that this Einbhan Str. fella must be popular.

One moron I worked with would great play of going into a bar and ordering "Sex Pils bitte"
Well he thought it was funny.

Then there was Ausfahrt (snigger) which was the name of every German town off the Autobahn.

Shelldrake wrote:

Then there was Ausfahrt (snigger) which was the name of every German town off the Autobahn.

I have met the Ausfahrt many times. 

And not only in German............. A mate tried to pass on a fictitious address when asked for if by an over-zealous busybody. He wrote down :-

c/o Miss Mary Olds,
The Old Cock Inn.
Tillet
Herts

On exercise in southern Germany we parked the vehicles in a barn for the night on a local farm. In the morning I went to the farm house to see if I could get some fresh eggs and bacon for the guys. I hadn't a clue what eggs were so I walked around like a chicken and a duck saying quack-quack egg. The old farmers wife with Nora Batty stockings. The laughed so much she pee'd herself and said they were Ainter Aeir. The guys also had a good laugh and a slap up breakfast.

ausfart surely that came after the rough scrumpy ,

My usual reply to that question is  "nur wenn notwendig".