Barrack Room Inspection.

Hello All........."Who can remember room inspections"---At West Riding Dortmund they were taken by the Duty Officer and the battery Sergeant, all your kit had to be laid out on the bed in the correct order.--Thinking back did the officer do magic because he could always find dust, your kit and room would be clean and tidy (not good enough) but he would find something. To do the room we only had dust pan and brush,broom,polish and dusters(no hoovers in those days). I was on the ground floor in a room with five,three RA and two APC, all the windows on the bottom floor had Bars(don't know why). The inspections always started upstairs and we knew if it was going to be good or bad when the sergeant started throwing kit out of windows to the ground below,either landing on grass or if they were unlucky on concrete. They came to our room(remember the bars) but that didn't stop him as your kit was thrown across the floor and out of the door,and sometimes your bed was tipped over on its side, and then we all had to start again,you could never please them as they were always right---------------------Where was our "Human Rights".---------As someone told us the only rights we had was "Army rights".---National Service Those Were The Days.----Alan.B

Quote :

he could always find dust,

That was because there was dust to be found.....252 SM

Thanks Gordon, We didn't know that at the time ?? Alan.

It is said by some to have been a character forming experience. I`m not so sure!

[quote="ALAN.BREAKSPEAR"]I was on the ground floor in a room with five,three RA and two APC, all the windows on the bottom floor had Bars(don't know why).

Could be you were in the Nick Alan !

For a little bit of dust Brum??

Dust in the Royal Regiment is a Prevalent Offence.

This comes from a mate, a tankie with the Queen's Bays. He swears it's kosher.....

In billets with small rooms, like Quebec Bks at Osnabruck, there could be little space for the inspecting retinue whilst they nosed about looking for something to gripe about. With CO, Sqn Cdr., Tp. Sub inside, the sergeant and his clipboard stayed within earshot in the corridor.

Cpl X was a whizz with boots, no one matched him, conversation went something like this :

CO : " Good boots, what ? " Sqn Cdr. mumbles reply : "Not bad, those
boots, Cpl X ".
Tp. Lt. waits until party moves into corners looking for dust or cobwebs, grins
at Cpl. X and says, as an aside : " What would you charge to do mine ?".

Sergeant in earshot, thinking more about a lunch time pint, registers three words :-
" Boots......" "Bad......" & " Charge......"

A note is made on the clipboard, confused Cpl. X is treated to notification of Sergeant's displeasure and is warned for Sqn. Cdrs. Orders. Almost another Light Brigade moment or a Send Three & Fourpence we're Going to a Dance misunderstanding. 252 was never made out, of course. but Cpl X had a heart stopping moment.

Reminds me of when straw hat dye or streboline was used to enhance the shine on boots.

MT Sgt. Thats not bull. scrapes a cross on toe cap with ten phenning piece
Tech Cpl It effing is arsehole..Thump
MT Sgt 252.
Tech Cpl eff you
F of S Calm down
MT Sgt eff you foreman
F of S 252

Result Tech Cpl has to re bull boots. MT Sgt nurses swollen jaw WO 1 (F of S) says don`t mess with my men.
They all live happily ever after

And i was only a witness

Testing

eff effing

I see we now have language control on the site

"Attached" to an Aircraft Workshop in Detmold, the OC , a very pios chap was due to carry out a barrack room inspection the coming Monday morning. On the Saturday afternoon I went down town and perused a few book shops looking for a suitable picture to greet the OC with. Found one in a magazine called Die Hamburger. It was not pornographic but erotic.Just a lady in a very short black leather jacket lying in a wheat field handling herself well.
On the Monday morning, the OC walked in with the CSM in tow. He looked at the picture hung on the wall ,and showing no emotion, said "Its not even straight !" He turned away walked a few steps, wheeled and bellowed, "AND ITS BLOODY FILTHY, TAKE IT DOWN!!." The CSM had difficulty trying not to laugh.

I recall a rather "Fussy" Battery Commander in Dortmund in the early 70s. He had a Barrack Room Inspection just about every week, culminating in a thorough inspection of the ground floor toilets for which, unfortunately for the TSM whose responsibility they were, he had a particular OCD fetish. One week the TSM had a bright idea and decided that it would be a Jolly good wheeze if he were to get a Mars Bar, heat it up, fashion it in the shape of a small Richard and place on the little shelf that the Germans were so fond of in their toilets. When the BC lifted the toilet seat he almost had a heart attack at the thought someone would have the temerity to leave something like that for his inspection, turning to the TSM he said "Sarn't Major, what the hell is this"??? The TSM, with all the aplomb he could muster, stuck his finger in it, licked the aforementioned finger and said "SHITE, SAH". Unfortunately, while they were otherwise engaged in the Barrack Rooms the Battery Dirty Bastard had performed the switch for the real thing!

G O CS, annual inspection 56 brackley, we were in nissen huts, we were ordered to paint the pot bellied stoves black , at the end of the day , black smoke billowed from the huts as the still wet paint burnt. it took weeks to get those stoves back to normal. ginger

Ah Barrack room inspections - I can remember..

STAND BY YOUR BEDS !

Number rank and name.... Sah

I reckoned I might have missed my vocation sometimes........ When irritated by something or someone I could knock out a quick cartoon which took the mick. It enabled me to make a point & seldom had any repercussions because, when I tilted at authority, most had a laugh and the one ridiculed might seethe inside, but usually took took no action. These masterpieces were stuck on the noticeboard, or on the wall above the bed. There was one on display when there was a snap, unannounced inspection by the Regt. CO.

Can't remember exactly what it was now, but it caused some comment from the CO. BSM gave my name when asked, said he'd sort me out. CO said "Nonsense !" (I was told)... "We've a job for him". One of the gun sergeants had invented a quick release cam system for the Bofors. Nets were strung up to look a bit like a bivvie, the two halves were jointed at the top, suspended on two wires which in turn were supported by scaffold poles. Pulling the right bit of wire sprang the poles apart, gun was ready for action. Upshot was the CO wanted sketches to send higher up the line, I got the job.

One of the best skives going.......... wandered around gun park with a clipboard and pencil on fine days, retired to billet with an Arty board & sheet of paper when it was wet. When asked "What are you on, lad ?" you couldn't say better than "Personal Instructions from CO, sir !" , but I couldn't make it last. They'd even planned to get me to go to brigade to explain the sketch, but that never happened.

cartav ,did you ever spend time in the transit camp at the hook of holland , never seen so many bods wiv clipboards in all my life. ginger

'Lo Gingerjim,

No, sorry, only passed through the reception area at the Hook very quickly. But I think we all know that a clipboard and a pencil can be vital kit for dodging a sergeant on the look out for someone to be given a dirty job.

Coming back, at Liverpool Street Station being a Gunner could be an advantage. The RMP roamed up & down looking for some poor sod to be nominated as NCO i/c Deck on the cruise liner. Nobody wanted it, the lads were in no frame of mind to be gripped when returning from leave, so we dodged Redcaps. If they called out "Corporal !" to a rapidly retreating 2-striper, we could ignore them on the basis that we were Bombardiers.

If a young RMP with the one stripe he got after trade training, got close enough for conversation, the best thing was to get in first, ask how much time he'd done, then tear a strip off, check his boots etc., advise him of the proper form of address for a Gunner JNCO, then do a smart about turn & march off before he recovered.

Beachley Boy wrote:

Ah Barrack room inspections - I can remember..

STAND BY YOUR BEDS !

If it wasn't good enough then it was Show parade every hour on the hour until we got it right.Personal show parades were worse when you had to parade out side the guardroom in your No2's and why oh why did they always have the power crazy RP full screw that made you bring your Locker with you next time usually at 22.00hrs .

i think the customs shed at harwich was the most soul destroying place. the bloody redcaps would go up and down the lines looking for suckers, button undone soldier, 100 fags and i wont charge you , dirty evil little barstewards the little red monkeys were, not a decent man among them . ginger

I remember a lad at Harwich, held up the queue, got everyone irritated. Custom sfound a German bayonet in his kit, said he couldn't take. through. Argued & argued. It was for his dad who'd fought through the 2WW, it was just a souvenir for a deserving old soldier. It cut no ice with Customs. They slammed his suitcase shut, put the chalk on, then called over two RMPs.
They took the bayonet, carried it to the dockside & dropped it in.

We got in the same compartment, he didn't seem too worried. "Tough!" we said, he grinned.
"No sweat!" he answered, "I thought they'd find it. I've got this.......". In his trouser leg, above his gaiter he had a Walther Modell 38 pistol.

cartav wrote:

I remember a lad at Harwich, held up the queue, got everyone irritated. Custom sfound a German bayonet in his kit, said he couldn't take. through. Argued & argued. It was for his dad who'd fought through the 2WW, it was just a souvenir for a deserving old soldier. It cut no ice with Customs. They slammed his suitcase shut, put the chalk on, then called over two RMPs.
They took the bayonet, carried it to the dockside & dropped it in.

We got in the same compartment, he didn't seem too worried. "Tough!" we said, he grinned.
"No sweat!" he answered, "I thought they'd find it. I've got this.......". In his trouser leg, above his gaiter he had a Walther Modell 38 pistol.

I remember the RMP at Harwich, obviously taking pleasure from harassing the sevicemen going by. I was picked up for a haircut, going ON leave, I might add. Idiots.

Even so, top of the list, in joint position, it's traffic wardens (or whatever the hell they call themselves now) and the bloody customs.

Stupid, brainless bloody morons.

I was never any good at making those 'bed packs.'

As for red caps..frustrated coppers most of them, never smart enough to be in the real coppers.

I was a 'Red Cap' in the Australian Army Reserve for a few years, we had quite a few civvie cops in it, like myself, but again we had a few dopes - frustrated cops, secuirty guards in their civvie life and too dumb to get into the suit of blue, so they joined the Army Reserve Provosts (Military Police.)

RMP would be the same, a lot of dare I say it on here? Wankers.

If you are looking for REAL numpties, try the Police Community Support Officers - "Lost Shoppers", I call them. Nick Clegg has more to occupy his time than they do.

Quit knocking the 'Monkey's' you guys .. in all my time and postings I found them fair and when off duty great guys to socialize with, hell I even wrote this poem some 50 years ago for one of them.

Len (Ciphers)

Red Cap


At dusty cross roads you see him stand,
directing traffic with white gloved hand,
often the recipient of ribald yells,
the target of snipers and falling shells,
the armband he wears denotes his rank,
the jeep is his transport, he'd scorn a tank.


When out of the line and in the rear,
the standard of excellence is very clear,
like a London Bobby patrolling his beat,
there are standards he feels that he must meet,
his boots are the brightest, his belt snowy white,
the cap badge is burnished, the set is just right,
his symbol of authority is plain to see,
his armband's emblazoned with two letters - MP


to Tom
Len Payne